Saturday, March 19, 2016

'Tis the Gift

Some days it is wise to sleep in. 

This morning, in my last hours of sleep, I dreamed a story, in it a man who loves me, and of receiving many gifts. It was unexpected, a box I believed to be mine which I opened without knowledge of what was inside, only to find many beautiful, many small, fine, precious, delicate but also useful things, almost too many...each was followed by another, a seemingly endless amount, as if to subdue all suspicion or doubt, and reinforce my knowing that they were intended for me, given to me... I'm not sure I've ever opened a gift in a dream, in that way, and unwrapped so many sweet surprises. 

This was a good dream to remember, and I'm not sure I would have if I hadn't taken a short walk in the warm sunshine this afternoon. I need to move, my thoughts and my heart are always in motion and if I stagnate, so do they, and vice versa. To the hardware store then, even if it's only a few blocks away, and to the grocery on the way home again, with supplies in hand for making soap. It was my first batch, made better by the suggestion of my companion, both to do it in the first place, and to make use of what I already had by adding the orange zest, for color, texture, aroma, pleasure, skin... It won't be my last. 

Today was a long day, marked by emotions I did not control and a general sense of anxious restlessness, broken by moments of carefree peace. The evening has come to a close on a softer note, thankfully, and I am looking forward to returning to the cozy embrace of my bed, which I left some time ago, to write down these thoughts as a goodnight wish. I hope to sleep, to dream once more, to awaken rested and changed. Tomorrow is a continuation of yesterday only in that each moment gives way to the next...they blend together like oil into a base, becoming solid only temporarily, before they can be put to use, and washed away... 

Even the simplest thing can become. 

I'll rise early tomorrow. Find a gift to give someone.

Friday, March 18, 2016

Off to the Office

I woke up in the wrong life this morning.

A couple minutes before my alarm went off I got out of bed to refill my water glass, which was more than half empty. Then I got back in bed and just laid there, thinking. That was a while ago now. There's a dream I had that escaped me, and now it's lost, I can't remember it. It had someone important in it...

The thing about loneliness is that it involves a certain amount of shame, i.e. "Why don't you just...?"

Like, why don't you get up and do something instead of worrying about the tendinitis in your elbows, the constant pain your wrist and shoulder, and your numbing hands? Small price to pay for a life of comfort, right?

Quit your complaining and get to work. Pain won't pay the bills.

Loneliness will kill you another day.

Friday, March 11, 2016

No substitutions

I want someone to make me dinner.

I don't want to order pizza or Chinese, I don't want to pick up take-out, I don't want to sit down at my favorite restaurant or the nicest one in town.

I don't even want my mom's best home cooking.

I don't want to go to a potluck or dish myself up from the stove.

I don't want any choices or questions or options. 

I just want someone to make a meal, with their own two hands, and serve me up a big plate of goodness.


And thank you.

Thursday, March 3, 2016

Wednesday, March 2, 2016

It's nothing

There is no other word for lie

There is no other word

There is no other

There is no

There is