Thursday, May 5, 2011
Woke up, got out of bed, dragged a comb across my head... took a quick shower, called in for a short meeting, decided to check messages before I left for work (yes, I still have land line.)... I hadn't checked them in a couple days, me being too tired to care about it Tuesday evening and it having been too late to think about it when I got home Wednesday night, just before midnight. Someone had called early this morning, while I was still dreaming, and I figured it was either a wrong number or something important, so thought I should probably find out what was up. I was scurrying around, finishing up my coffee, packing up the pieces for the day, listening to the friendly robo-voice of the City of Mpls saying something about parking...and all at once, just as the words "towed and ticketed" made their way to my ear, I realized that A) I was parked in the street (as I've been doing for the past couple weeks, just to avoid the tedious garage door routine I've had to undertake recently because the human door is still getting hung up on the rain-swollen concrete and I only just located the clicker a couple days ago (what it was doing in the basement instead of on the kitchen counter where I was sure I'd left it before my trip, I do not know)) and also, and (rather) perhaps more importantly, B) the other sound I'd been hearing was the running engine of a large truck in the street outside my house. Suddenly, in a moment of perfect understanding, I dashed to and through the front door and there--sure enough--was my car, chained to the flat bed of a tow truck, whose driver was sitting in the cab. Phone still in hand (and glad I was dressed) I ran out into the street, in front of the truck, around to the open door where the driver was just finishing writing up my ticket. With a certain degree of panic in my voice and/or demeanor, I told him I'd been away and just got the message--see? phone in hand?--followed by something I don't quite recall but to the effect of "there is no way. I cannot be without my car today" and the phrase "this is going to fuck me so hard", among a couple other things. Yes, I actually said that. He did not bat an eye and simply replied that it would cost me five dollars. Five dollars?? I don't know if I have any cash. Well, he's got other cars to tow... Okay, ok, I know I don't have any cash in the house, because I a) I never do and b) I had to borrow twenty bucks the day before to pick up my take out, but okay, ok, I am thinking... I'll be right back. Wallet, wallet: two dollars... junk drawer: six quarters, five dimes, four more dimes and two nickels, thank you.......dresser: oh, dresser, seriously...no, seriously, two quarters! This was, apparently and literally, all the U.S. currency in my house, with the exception of what looks to be about twelve pennies. (I'll admit it didn't really occur to me until somewhat later that he was just looking for enough to pick up a little bit of this or that, so screw him. Anyway.) A few minutes later, my car rolled off the ramp, I put my key in the lock, and the man said: "you're free". And so I was. So I was.
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I flippin' love this post. Makes me laugh. Not funny at the time but seriously funny to read. Thanks:)
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