It's not that I haven't had time. Sure, things have been busy, but in truth, I've been purposelessly neglecting this page, for quite a long time now. Perhaps I've grown tired of maintaining a presence here that doesn't seem to reflect certain aspects of my current existence. Perhaps I've grown lazy. Perhaps I would rather not reflect on my activities and feelings. Perhaps I've lost the knack. Perhaps words cannot do justice. Perhaps a lot of things. But it would be a lie to say that I've not had time.
Yesterday evening I was sitting in a salon, waiting a few minutes for a haircut, and I picked up a magazine that was lying nearby, the kind of thing it's interesting to flip through maybe once a year. On a page's worth of quotes from celebrities I've never heard of, these words caught my eye:
"There is always enough time. One of my biggest pet peeves is when someone's excuse is 'I didn't have time.' From getting important work done to texting someone back, you always have time if it matters."Of course, this woman probably didn't have to feed the kids, mow the lawn, take her aging grandmother to the doctor, paint the garage, or write a dissertation, among the many other possibilities, although she did apparently manage to write a pretty crappy book. Anyway, the point is that it doesn't really matter how busy you are, think you are, want to be, or try to be. The more I think about those words the more they seem to ring true. It's not the time you have, it's the time you make. You find time. And if you don't have time in your life for the things that matter, then maybe it's time to let a few things go.
So, I'm going to work on that and get back here just as soon as I can. It's not that I can't make time, but it's probably true that I just don't have a mind to do it, or the heart for it (which are probably even poorer excuses!), although maybe I'll feel differently after a week on the shore. I hope so, and I shall return...