Wednesday, July 7, 2010

All I Need Is A Miracle

Dear Lord, my existence has taken such a turn toward the pointless and mundane of late that it is nearly incomprehensible to me...This evening I found myself muttering over the virtues of various plates...porcelain rings, blue dots, tiny hand-painted stars...lost among the other crazy folk who wander the aisles of others' cast-offs in the hope of finding something vaguely familiar, seemingly needed, or modestly enchanting...I left, finally, with nothing.

Underwear on sale. Light bulbs, too many to choose...

Each day, it seems, is but another transaction, the exchange of goods for time. Conversation ranges from dull to idiotic. At work, slow fingers on a keyboard within earshot grate on my brain like a dog licking its balls...fingernails clipping, throats full of mucus, another weekend at the cabin, the weather...Enough already!!!

Out and about, I float from place to place, scarcely knowing why or what for, while passers-by present themselves in full costume, throwing a line here and there, oblivious to their own pathetic talents. Still frames, random candid cameo...children everywhere, everyone wearing their summer skins... It's peaceful, in a way, and fascinating, to observe...

But what of doing? I have undertaken a few haphazard projects, but all seem egg-washed by some grandiose superficiality, white-washing the fence, as it were... Of course, this is not the Way It Is, just how it feels, or maybe seems...

Over the past four days I have received no less than seven calls inviting me to experience a miracle, the one that I've been waiting for, the one I've been needing in my home and my body and my life... I guess I already missed one tonight, but apparently I've got another chance yet tomorrow morning. I'll be honest: some part of me was stirred by the idea, that maybe yes. But the rest of me was thinking, well, how much better is this going to get? Almost everything about my life for the past year, or more, or ever, has been a goddamn motherfucking miracle, if truth be told...

It's not surprising, is it? But it is amazing.

A few more photos this evening, after an afternoon that wound me around... I swear, who needs Opium when there is Nikon? There is also, of course, the whole Cosmos:





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