I am doing what I can to relinquish my lust for control, or my crazed desire for some semblance of autonomy, which may have something to do with the routine I've been running lately, of treating my body as a crude machine (a bit of fuel, some fire, exhaust...) but today I had to just give it up. I had the wisdom yesterday to know I couldn't possibly go to work today, but my hope was to spend a long a sunny day getting prep work done on the new spaces in the backyard, breaking up the soil and turning in some of that composted manure, so they'd be ready for planting when I get home on Monday. Instead I slept in, had breakfast and then curled up on my rug for a couple more hours' of unintended sleep (with the broiler on for all that time, I might add). My eyes were actually rolling around in my head, I'm so tired, so polluted, so weary maybe. Fuel, fire, exhaust, won't get you anywhere on a flat. Or four.
Anyway, I've only enough time this afternoon to get the place cleaned up, water all the plants and pack up, which sorta stinks because there's enough here to keep me occupied at a pleasant sunny pace for three days, easily...I've got trees and shrubs and flowers and herbs and fruits and veggies sitting in flats, still alive, but waiting...hopefully they can hang on for a few more days. I already lost one of the artichokes and the bitterroot is looking pretty unhappy, but the rest of them seem to be doing all right. Just wish I had the time to take the time, work at my pace for a few days, even relax maybe, instead of the weather or someone or the frigging universe constantly intervening to with that big "Don't Panic" sign, reminding me that there are an infinite number of ways to let it all go. And speaking of going...
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