Nothing but

I knew--or at least I had a strong feeling--that I'd see them, tonight.  I put the pizza back in the oven for a few minutes, and stepped outside, and there they were...flitting and darting over my peach tree, above the neighbor's roof, past the plum and the lilac and through the maple, out into the alley, and back again... I counted at least six bats, many quite big and at least one that looked almost too heavy to be held up by its delicate wings... Such beautiful creatures, and such a quiet joy (no chirps or squeaks tonight) to see them this evening.  Or any evening, for that matter.

My sweet, slightly sidewinding plum has produced more blossoms than I'd hoped for, and my stout peach is practically covered in them, though not in full bloom just yet.  It's a shame that the bees aren't here.  (The hive died or was ravaged by wasps last year, which may explain their peculiar behavior that night I was stung, but even so I'm skittish to welcome them back, at the risk of another sting...although I'm not ruling it out just yet because they're pretty great to have around.)  I haven't seen many insects out yet, so I guess I'll have to hope that the wind will help my lovely prunus set fruit this year.  Peaches are a given, but dark blue purple frosted plums... I hope against hope.  And squirrels, those fuckers.

It's amazing how much can change in almost no time, the way flowers pop open in an instant, or new shoots emerge overnight...and how quickly we can let go of whatever's been holding us.  This Spring I've been up against changes I did not and could not foresee.  An injured disc between my heart and my throat, and all the pain behind it, possibly the very root of the problems that I've experienced for the past few years...in crisis, now healed, healing, the pain subsiding, nearly gone.  After that came another round of changes, cutting quite a bit closer to the heart of things, all as it must be I suppose.  Old ideas, loves, hopes, dreams, possibilities slip away, and what is left?

Well, Everything.

Including pizza.  This was tonight's: 
~ the dough: whisked up yesterday with a tool of pure genius (Danish dough whisk) using the regular "Artisan in 5" recipe but with a little sugar and olive oil thrown in
~ the meat: one good slice of roasted chicken breast, cut into thick pieces, and 4 slices of uncured English bacon, cooked until almost done, with a swish of water to loosen them from the pan.  bacon sliced into 1/4 inch strips and liquid set aside for
~ the sauce: (this is a weird one, so bear with me) a tbsp or two of mayo, a couple teaspoons of olive oil, the bacon water, a tsp of fresh lemon juice, a bit of chicken drippings if available and 1/4 tsp of horseradish (just trust me on this one! or use any alfredo-ish thing you like, just keep it light)
~ the veg: about a half pound or more of fresh asparagus, in bite-size chunks (I like to break mine by hand so I know where they're most tender), oil-cured black olives
~ the rest: grated (cheap) parmesan, fresh (not cheap. or too salty) feta, the moldiest Provolone you can come by (slice that shit off, rinse that thing and taste it.  it's still good!), and some Stravecchio because why the hell not? in whatever amounts seem right
~ the way: dough went in the oven for about 5 min, then was topped with the 'sauce', fresh black pepper, the grated parm, the chicken, the asparagus, and the feta, then covered in the Provolone, upon which were laid the bacon strips, the olives, and the Stravecchio, and all was baked while taking a shower and then watching bats having dinner over a peach tree in blossom...
~ the verdict:  I wasn't really sure how this might turn out but must say it was damn tasty, although the crust could have used a few more minutes.  could easily be made with less than half as much and still be just as good, if not better.

***

So much else I wished to say but the words escape me, and my pillow calls to rest my head.

I would like to sleep outside tonight, and feel the breeze on my skin. Nothing but to be where we are now.